My impossible ones. — Seneca: or the toreador of virtue. (…) Dante: or the hyena who writes poetry in tombs. (…) Victor Hugo: or the pharos at the sea of nonsense. (…) Michelet: or the enthusiasm which takes off its coat. Carlyle: or pessimism as a poorly digested dinner. (…) Zola: or “the delight in stinking.”
{ Nietzsche, Twilight of the Idols, 1888 | Continue reading }
baltimore craigslist
Personal Texting Assistant
Date: 2009-06-23, 11:39PM EDTLooking for an assistant to help in texting duties -
replies
deleting texts
alerting of new texts
reading texts
filtering textI get 40 - 50 texts an hour, I cant handle my workload plus texting responsibilities. My phone gets too full and needs deleted every couple hours. This is a full time position and you must be where ever I am at, because my phone is always with me. Serious inquiries only.
{ Mont-Sat, Poland. Your Regional Service Antenna. Sales, service and installation of antennas TV-SAT (houses, hotels, guest houses). | Mont-Sat }
{ Tobacco Smoke Enema (1750s-1810s) | via Barry Ritholz | Read more: Wikipedia }
From: Richard Matthews
Date: Tuesday 6 May 2008 8.17pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: RoveFuck you coksucker you should be ashamed of what you wrote that was wrong ad you know it How wud you feel if you were rove? why dont you fuck off.
…………………………………………………………………………………….
From: David Thorne
Date: Tuesday 6 May 2008 8.42pm
To: Richard Matthews
Subject: Re: Re: Re: RoveYou’re correct Dick, my statements were uncalled for and unquantifiable in any manner. I apologise without reserve and ask for nothing but your understanding. I hope, in time, you can come to forgive me for such contemptible statements. If I could retract my statements I would but I do not have a time machine. I wish that I did have a time machine, I would take my Macbook Pro back to 1984 and visit Steve Jobs. After selling my laptop to him for millions I would return to the present. I could do this several times as each time the present technologies would have changed. It is a flawless plan, I am sure you will agree, lacking only the availability of time/dimension manipulation technologies.
artwork { Jay DeFeo, The Eyes, 1958 | graphite on paper }
previously { Party in apartment 3 }
Allow me to explain “The cat is on the roof” to those of you who are unfamiliar with the joke. It goes like this: Bob goes on vacation. He asks his moron brother to take care of his cat. After a few days on vacation, Bob calls to say hi. The moron brother blurts out “Your cat is dead.”
Bob is beside himself with grief. And he chastises his moron brother for breaking the news to him in such an abrupt manner. The moron brother asks how he could have done it better.
Bob explains “Well, for example, you could have told me the cat was on the roof. The next time we talked, you could say the Fire Department is trying to get him down. The next time, you could say the cat fell during the rescue and was in the veterinarian hospital. The next time I called, you could say the cat succumbed to his injuries and passed away. That way I would be prepared for the bad news.”
The moron brother says he understands. Then he adds, “Oh, by the way. Mom is on the roof.”
illustration { Mike Giant }
As most of you know, Cracked.com is actually my night job. My real job is, and has been for the last several years, Chief Editor in Chief at O’Brien & “Sons” Erotic Fiction Publishing House. (…) I’m going to list all the important steps to writing great Erotic Fiction, everything that separates the un-publishable from the publishable. (…)
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve rejected the same, stale Erotic Fiction premises (EroFicPre). A pizza delivery guy enters and seduces with a housewife. A rich prince sweeps a poor, delicate woman off of her feet and into his bed. A painter is so overcome with the beauty of his model that he abruptly stops his work and romances her/masturbates in front of her. A vampire and the twins from that Harry Potter movie fuck in a cave, somewhere. A stale premise won’t get your foot in the door, which is why originality is the single most important part of Erotic Fiction.
The Erotic Fiction Community (EroFicCom) is overrun with these premises. Surprise us!
At the zoo!
Well, I normally only fuck tigers, but I think I can make an exception for a beautiful lady.
Erotic science fiction?
Laser sounds! Laser sounds!
“Be Warned, Earth Woman, the Gargamite invasion is upon us!”
Laser sounds, a spaceship.
“Their air is toxic to us, please allow me to insert the antidote all up in your ass!”
Ass laser sounds!
YouTube may pay less to be online than you do, a new report on internet connectivity suggests, calling into question a recent analysis arguing Google’s popular video service is bleeding money and demonstrating how the internet has continued to morph to fit user’s behavior.
In fact, with YouTube’s help, Google is now responsible for at least 6 percent of the internet’s traffic, and likely more — and may not be paying an ISP at all to serve up all that content and attached ads.
Credit Suisse made headlines this summer when it estimated that YouTube was binging on bandwidth, losing Google a half a billion dollars in 2009 as it streams 75 billion videos. But a new report from Arbor Networks suggests that Google’s traffic is approaching 10 percent of the net’s traffic, and that it’s got so much fiber optic cable, it is simply trading traffic, with no payment involved, with the net’s largest ISPs.
Frankenhooker, an American film released in 1990.
Plot: When his gorgeous fiancée “goes to pieces” in a freak lawnmower accident, aspiring mad scientist Jeffrey Franken is determined to put her back together again. With the aid of an explosive superdrug, he sets about reassembling his girlfriend, selecting the choicest bits from a bevy of raunchy New York prostitutes. But his bizarre plan soon goes awry. His reanimated girlfriend no longer craves his body… she craves everybody! And, for money, she’ll love anyone… to death!
{ Wikipedia | Watch the trailer }
