I think that good sex can keep a relationship together, but can’t make it function at any sort of meaningful level. I feel that intimacy—i.e. kissing, cuddling, or any proximal form of contact—is way more important than sex.

Understand the realities: First, sex slows down when you have kids, in both frequency and intensity due to the physical and communicative demands the kids place on a relationship. I saw a couple once where the guy said that as newlyweds he and his wife would have sex everyday—anal, too—and it was so intense she was trying to fit his cock and balls in her mouth simultaneously. They had kids. He logged more hours at the office due to their financial needs; she was exhausted from taking care of the kids all day; they spent less time together, and sex dropped to once a week. (…)

I put a good sex life behind things like philosophical alignment in financial security, child discipline, trust, not allowing your insecurities to impose on your partner, job satisfaction, substance abuse, and most importantly, selflessness. (…)

The idea of two people changing together and—more importantly— accepting each others changes over a 50-year span is delusional unless that person is undeniably your best friend in the whole world. Ever.

{ Gawker | Continue reading }

What is romantic love? Can it last forever? This article considers how romantic love adapts in long term relationships. Recently some theorists proposed adaptive reasons for romantic love to endure, which contradicts a common idea that romantic love dwindles over time in exchange for companionship.

{ SAGE | Continue reading }

photo { Dioni Tabbers & Hana Jirickova photographed by Ellen Von Unwerth for Common & Sense }

Ever since I left my native village in the Bavarian Forest more than 25 years ago, I have been returning for regular, even if infrequent, visits. Over the years, there have been many changes and two of them have been particularly noticeable to me:

(1)  Language shift: When I left, I knew how to read and write German but I couldn’t speak the national language. In that I would have been a typical representative of my generation. This has changed dramatically since then and most people I meet are now bilingual and switch between German and Bavarian with various degrees of comfort. (…)

(2)  Commercial sex: When I left, the availability of commercial sex was invisible. For all I know, it didn’t exist. Now, as you travel east from Munich on the autobahn, there are numerous billboards signaling the presence of the sex industry, including a huge structure saying “Sex shop” somewhere close to Landshut that is visible from miles away. With the commercials in the papers and the fliers advertising for the sex industry, the semiotic landscape is similar to the one I described for Switzerland in this article. Furthermore, tales of the exploits of men who visit prostitutes just behind the border in the Czech Republic and the marriages that have fallen apart as a result of all this are now a ubiquitous part of village gossip.

{ Language on the move | Continue reading }

artwork { Mike Worrall }

[Princess Marie Bonaparte] suffered from what many women today still do – the inability to reach orgasm solely through vaginal intercourse. Defying the social mores of her era, she discovered she could reach orgasm through masturbation. (…)

She first examined and interviewed 243 women. One by one she measured the distance between their clitorises and the vaginas, then compared the distance to their frequency and ease of orgasm. What she discovered was a direct correlation between the ability to orgasm through vaginal sex and the measurement of space between the vagina and the external part of the clitoris. She categorized the findings from her subjects in three ways: paraclitoridiennes (para meaning “alongside”), mesoclitoriennes (meso meaning “in the middle”), and téléclitoridiennes (télé meaning “far”).

Paraclitoridiennes were the fortunate ones. The space between their vaginas and clitorises measured less than one inch. For the 69% of her test subjects that fell into this category, vaginal orgasm was easier than ever to reach. However, similar studies conducted in modern times prove this statistic extremely high.

{ Mosex | Continue reading }

more { A complete breakthrough that explains how what we once considered to be a vaginal orgasm is actually an internal clitoral orgasm. }

A low-pitched voice in a man is associated with a litany of masculine traits: dominance, strength, greater physical size, more attractiveness to women, and so on. But new research strikes one trait off that list: virility.

An Australian study looked at male voice pitch, women’s perceptions of it, and semen quality. Their first finding was no surprise: Women like deep voices and consider them masculine.

But contrary to expectations, they also found that these men aren’t better off in the semen department. In fact, by one measure of sperm quality — sperm concentration in ejaculate — men with the attractive voices appeared to have a disadvantage.

{ LiveScience | Continue reading }

related { Breakthrough in male fertility: scientist grow sperm in laboratory }

Over 50% of women report having faked an orgasm at least once in their life, usually to satisfy their partner. Why should a pretend orgasm be pleasing for the man? The current belief about the female orgasm is that it evolved as a way for women to separate the men from the boys. Men with good genes – who were more attractive in other words – give more orgasms. Muscle contractions that take place during the orgasm help move sperm around to where it can more easily fertilise the waiting egg. This idea has become delightfully known as  the ‘upsuck hypothesis.’ (…)

Women who thought their partner were likely to cheat on them were much more likely to admit to faking orgasms.

{ Charles Harvey | Continue reading }

Stuart Brody, a psychology professor at the University of the West of Scotland, claims that you can discern a woman’s ability to achieve orgasm just by looking at her lips.

Vaginal Orgasm Is More Prevalent Among Women with a Prominent Tubercle of the Upper Lip

Introduction. Recent studies have uncovered multiple markers of vaginal orgasm history (unblocked pelvic movement during walking, less use of immature psychological defense mechanisms, greater urethrovaginal space). Other markers (perhaps of prenatal origin) even without obvious mechanistic roles in vaginal orgasm might exist, and a clinical observation led to the novel hypothesis that a prominent tubercle of the upper lip is such a marker.

Aims. To examine the hypothesis that a prominent tubercle of the upper lip is associated specifically with greater likelihood of experiencing vaginal orgasm (orgasm elicited by penile–vaginal intercourse [PVI] without concurrent masturbation).

{ Wiley | Continue reading | via UA }

photo { Annika von Hausswolff }

We examine some of the implications of the possibility that the human penis may have evolved to compete with sperm from other males by displacing rival semen from the cervical end of the vagina prior to ejaculation. (…)

During intercourse the effect of repeated thrusting would be to draw out and displace foreign semen away from the cervix. As a consequence, if a female copulated with more than one male within a short period of time this would allow subsequent males to “scoop out” semen deposited by others before ejaculating. (…)

Under conditions that raise the possibility of females engaging in extra-pair copulations (i.e., periods of separation from their partner, allegations of female infidelity), Gallup et al. (2003) also found that males appear to modify the use of their penis in ways that are consistent with the displacement hypothesis. Based on anonymous surveys of over 600 college students, many sexually active males and females reported deeper and more vigorous thrusting when in-pair sex occurred under conditions related to an increased likelihood of female infidelity.

{ Evolutionary Psychology | Continue reading | PDF }

photo { Erwin Olaf }

A new study, published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, suggests there’s a link between bestiality and penile cancer.

During the research, led by urologist Stenio de Cassio Zequi, 492 men from rural Brazil were examined. 118 of these men had been diagnosed with penile cancer. 45 percent of the group that suffered from penile cancer had sexual relations with animals.

Of those men who had sexual relations with animals, 59 percent reported having sex with animals for one to five years and 21 percent had been doing it for more than five years. Sexual interaction occurred as often as daily and included animals such as horses, cows, pigs, and chickens.

{ United Academics | Continue reading }

A leading theory of romantic love is that it functions to make one feel committed to one’s beloved, as well as to signal this commitment to the beloved (Frank, 1988). Because women tend to be skeptical of men’s commitment, this view entails that men may have evolved to fall in love first, in order to show their commitment to women.

Using a sample of online participants of a broad range of ages, this study tested this sex difference and several related individual difference hypotheses concerning the ease of falling in love. There was mixed evidence for sex differences: only some measures indicated that men are generally more love-prone than are women. We also found that men were more prone to falling in love if they tended to overestimate women’s sexual interest and highly valued physical attractiveness in potential partners. Women were more prone to falling in love if they had a stronger sex drive.

{ Evolutionary Psychology | Continue reading | PDF }

photo { Richard Avedon }

Since September 7, .XXX domains are for sale. (That is, if you own a porn site or a trademark to protect – the rest of us have to wait till December 6 and hope nobody scoops our name first).

But the arrival of .XXX begs the question: How much of the internet is actually for porn? (…) In 2010, out of the million most popular (most trafficked) websites in the world, 42,337 were sex-related sites. That’s about 4% of sites.

{ Forbes | Continue reading }

photo { Roger Moore as James Bond, with Barbara Bach as Agent XXX, aka Major Anya Amasova }

Most people believe the premature orgasm to be a typical male problem. Women on the other hand are often expected to have difficulties reaching their peak. However, a new study shows that women too can come too fast, sometimes even as often as men. The study was conducted by researcher Serafim Carvalho and his colleagues at the Hospital Magalhães Lemos in Portugal.

Carvalho and his team found 510 Portuguese women between the ages of 18 and 45 years willing to participate. As it turned out, 40 percent sometimes came too fast, 14 percent experienced it on a regular basis and 3.3 percent noted to experience ‘dysfunctions’ as a result of premature orgasms.

{ United Academics | Continue reading }

{ Why Humans Have Sex | Why Women Have Sex }

images { 1. Don Oehl | 2. Helmut Newton }

{ If you are wondering why Tumblr just raised $85 million, all you have to do is look at its pageviews. | Tumblr, Now Bigger Than Wikipedia | The Porn and Spam Behind Tumblr’s Meteoric Rise }

Hildegard of Bingen was a twelfth century nun, possibly with repressed lesbian desires, who had visions, was a proto-scientist, advised the Pope, composed music, and, er, wrote about the role of the brain in the female orgasm.

BBC Radio 4′s Great Lives just had a fantastic programme about her where they read out her description of the female orgasm and how it is driven by a ‘sense of heat’ in the brain.

{ Mind Hacks | Continue reading }

photo { Tracey Baran | Thanks Cassandra! | Previously: Leda and the Swan }

Whence the female orgasm? After 40 years of debate evolutionary biologists are no closer to deciding whether it evolved to give women a reproductive boost, or whether it is simply a by-product of male orgasm evolution. The latest attempt to settle the dispute involves quizzing some 10,000 twins and pairs of siblings on their sexual habits.

Some evolutionary biologists reckon the female orgasm is adaptive and possibly influences mate choice, strengthens pair bonds or indirectly helps to suck sperm into the uterus. Others argue that women have orgasms for the same reason that men have nipples – being highly adaptive in one sex, the traits tag along for the ride in the other.

{ NewScientist | Continue reading }

photo { Hiroshi Watanabe }

It wasn’t until the latter half of the 17th century that the first truly scientific account of female ejaculation would be presented, this by a Dutch gynecologist named Reinjier De Graaf, precisely distinguishing between vaginal lubrication, which facilitates intercourse, and female ejaculation, which is tantamount to seminal emission. “This liquid was clearly not designed by Nature to moisten the urethra (as some people think),” wrote De Graaf, describing the “pituito-serous juice” sometimes excreted around the time of female orgasm. (…)

Fast-forward to 1952, past the historical hordes of women secretly ejaculating in mass confusion, and we arrive at the offices of German-born gynecologist Ernest Gräfenberg, who, while the contributions of De Graaf and others are often overlooked, is credited with “discovering” an erotic zone on the anterior wall of the vagina running along the course of the urethra. Ernest, in other words, is the one who first christened your “G-spot.” (…)

It wasn’t until 1982 that female ejaculate was first chemically analyzed. If it’s not urine, and it’s not semen, then what, exactly, is it? (…) It’s rather odd that we still don’t have a name for this substance that 40 percent of women report having produced liberally at least once in their lives.

{ Scientific American | Continue reading }

The projection of vagina, uterine cervix, and nipple to the sensory cortex in humans has not been reported.

The aim of this study was to map the sensory cortical fields of the clitoris, vagina, cervix, and nipple, toward an elucidation of the neural systems underlying sexual response.

Using functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI), we mapped sensory cortical responses to clitoral, vaginal, cervical, and nipple self-stimulation.

The genital sensory cortex, identified in the classical Penfield homunculus based on electrical stimulation of the brain only in men, was confirmed for the first time in the literature by the present study in women applying clitoral, vaginal, and cervical self-stimulation, and observing their regional brain responses using fMRI.

Activation of the genital sensory cortex by nipple self-stimulation was unexpected, but suggests a neurological basis for women’s reports of its erotogenic quality.

{ The Journal of Sexual Medicine | Continue reading }

photo { Richard Kern }

According to a new study on tiny shrimp (Artemia franciscana), sex with partners from a different time could kill you.

Researchers at the Center for Functional and Evolutionary Ecology (CEFE) in Montpellier, France, collected preserved brine shrimp eggs from various generations, and then reanimated them with water. Nicolas Rode and colleagues mated pairs of brine shrimp that had been reanimated from eggs preserved since 1985, 1996 and 2007, a period representing roughly 160 generations. They found that females that mated with males from the past or future died off sooner than those that mated with their own generation. The longer the time-shift, the earlier they died.

{ PopSci | Continue reading }

Male seed beetles (Callosobruchus maculatus) have long spikes covering their penises [photo]. These spikes are thought to have evolved in response to female promiscuity, as a way of increasing the male’s chances of fertilizing a female’s eggs. Females, in response to the spikes, have evolved every man’s worst nightmare: spikes inside her vagina.

This is what evolutionary biologists call sexual conflict.

Males and females of a species have a common goal: to pass on their genes to the next generation. Sometimes, however, males and females have conflicting best strategies for getting that done. (…)

The penis of the male seed beetle punctures the female’s reproductive tract and, eventually, all those injuries will kill her. Females even have to kick the male constantly during mating to lessen the severity of the injuries–but she still won’t be deterred from hooking up again.

Why would male beetles want to harm females like this? (…)

While we’re on the topic of sharp penises that harm females, I thought I would throw in a little bed-bug action as well. Bed-bugs mate using what is known as “traumatic insemination.” Males bypass the female genitals entirely and pierce them in a specialized location on their bellies. They then ejaculate into the female sperm storage organ directly.

{ Molecular Love | Continue reading }