Take at random what anybody would call affect or feeling, a hope for example, a pain, a love, this is not representational. There is an idea of the loved thing, to be sure, there is an idea of something hoped for, but hope as such, or love as such, represents nothing, strictly nothing.
No person can feel exactly how another person feels. No matter how much training in communication you might have and how much attention and time you spend listening to another person you will never fully be able to grasp all the aspects of the other person’s inner experience. By listening to the other person you might get an idea, a feeling of understanding. But what you feel will always in some way be referenced to your own experiences. By consciously and subconsciously observing the other person’s body language you might add another aspect to the understanding of the situation. However the perception will always be interpreted in your own complex framework of feelings and expectations – and as such the other person’s feelings could be misunderstood. These be the feelings about religion, political views, love, child rearing – or pain.
When it comes to pain this challenge in communication is extremely important. Although it is a terribly present and at times all consuming sensation to the sufferer, no doctor, nurse or even spouse can ever feel it. And yet it is most often another person than the sufferer who holds the key to the alleviation of the pain. Feeling understood, feeling accepted, feeling heard and feeling trusted are essential feelings for most people in many aspects of life. When it comes to suffering an illness, this in some way has its own healing power. Likewise mistrust and feeling denied or dismissed might increase the suffering.
photo { Diane Arbus }
