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Do People Know What They Want: A Similar or Complementary Partner?
In the last few decades numerous studies have been carried out on the characteristics individuals value most in a mate. Several studies have, for instance, shown that individuals, especially men, highly value a potential mate’s physical attractiveness.
Much more scarce are studies that relate individuals’ own characteristics to those they desire in a potential mate. With regard to these “relative” mate preferences two hypotheses have been presented.
First, according to the “similarity-attraction hypothesis” individuals feel most attracted to potential partners who, in important domains, are similar to themselves. Similar individuals are assumed to be attractive because they validate our beliefs about the world and ourselves and reduce the risk of conflicts. Not surprisingly therefore, similarity between partners contributes to relationship satisfaction. Because a happy and long-lasting intimate relationship contributes to both psychological and physical health, similarity between partners increases their own and their offspring’s chances of survival by helping maintain (the quality of) the pair bond.
In contrast, according to the “complementarity hypothesis” individuals feel most attracted to potential partners who complement them, an assumption that reflects the saying that “opposites attract.” Complementary individuals are assumed to be so attractive because they enhance the likelihood that one’s needs will be gratified. For example, young women who lack economic resources may feel attracted to older men who have acquired economic resources and therefore may be good providers. In addition, from an evolutionary perspective, one might argue that seeking a complementary mate, rather than a similar one, may help prevent inbreeding.
Studies on mate selection have consistently found support for the “similarity- attraction” hypothesis. Homogamy has been reported for numerous characteristics such as physical attractiveness, attachment style, political and religious attitudes, socio-economic background, level of education and IQ. In contrast, support for the “complementarity hypothesis” is much scarcer. Although many individuals occasionally feel attracted to “opposites,” attractions between opposites often do not develop into serious intimate relationships and, when they do, these relationships often end prematurely.
